I also can't tell you how many days I've spent just staring at the clock counting down the minutes until my husband comes home, so I can pass off the kids to him. Daydreaming about what I'm going to do with my time, once I'm free from the kids for just a few moments. The house is usually a whirlwind of toys, and some days an alcoholic drink is in hand. I sometimes try to imagine the scene through my husband's eyes as he walks through the door, and I wonder how in the world he can look past it all. He's used to it, I guess. Guilt, guilt, guilt....
I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I always feel like I need to be some kind of super mom because I don't have a job. I should have the house spotless, dinner on the table when my husband comes home, the kids should be reading to each other as I sew a homemade, heirloom quilt for my daughter, or some crap like that. I always fall short, to say the least. I'd rather be on facebook than play with play-dough. I'd rather learn about new ways to meditate, than pretend I'm a cat or be in the kitchen scrubbing the floors. I love my kids with all my heart, so when I'm not the super mom, I feel totally and completely guilty.
So, I searched my soul because I don't want to feel guilty. I want to be happy in every moment that I'm with my kids, even in the midst of the chaos. I know anything done with guilt as the guiding force is never the right choice, and guilt never leads to anything but more problems. So how do I learn to put the love in the place of the guilt? I meditated on the question, and the answer came. The concept was really quite simple. Just be present.
So how do I do that? When my daughter wants to play hide-and-seek, my son is crying, the kitchen is mess, my husband is almost home, dinner isn't ready, and I have to leave in an hour to go to group meditation. How do I be present in that chaos? All I want to do is escape. In my mind, I've already gone somewhere else. Maybe somewhere in the future, maybe somewhere in the past. And therein lies the problem. I'm somewhere else in my mind, somewhere peaceful, so when I'm forced to snap back into reality, it overwhelms me and everything seems like hell.
In that moment when the chaos overwhelms you, is one of the most critical times when you need to be completely present in the moment. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at the situation again, this time with love. Don't escape, just change your view. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. I'm not going to scar my kids if they're late to school, or if I don't play with them every second of the day, or even if I take a little vacation away from them. Just be present, and everything will be okay.
When I'm in the here and now, I'm listening to my heart. I'm seeing where it wants me to focus my attention on. I just have to listen to it. If I'm playing with my kids, and suddenly it's lost the joy for me and it's becoming a chore. Stop, listen. Refocus. That could mean just refocusing on how joyful this moment is, or maybe it means that it's time to stop playing and refocus on something else. It could be the dirty dishes, or the laundry, or your self. Just do it without the guilt. Make love your focus in all things, and if you begin acting in a way that is led by something other than love: guilt, obligation, anger, unrealistic expectations, just stop. Your heart is telling you to change course for a bit. So listen. When you do this, your children will feel it. They know when their Mommy is really focusing on them, or if she's a million miles away in her thoughts. To be in the present moment will not only make you a happier person, but your kids will feel more loved and appreciated, even if, in reality, you are spending less time with them.
Love should always be the guiding force in everything you do. Just keep that in your head, listen to your heart, and the Mommy guilt will begin to disappear.
So how do I do that? When my daughter wants to play hide-and-seek, my son is crying, the kitchen is mess, my husband is almost home, dinner isn't ready, and I have to leave in an hour to go to group meditation. How do I be present in that chaos? All I want to do is escape. In my mind, I've already gone somewhere else. Maybe somewhere in the future, maybe somewhere in the past. And therein lies the problem. I'm somewhere else in my mind, somewhere peaceful, so when I'm forced to snap back into reality, it overwhelms me and everything seems like hell.
In that moment when the chaos overwhelms you, is one of the most critical times when you need to be completely present in the moment. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at the situation again, this time with love. Don't escape, just change your view. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. I'm not going to scar my kids if they're late to school, or if I don't play with them every second of the day, or even if I take a little vacation away from them. Just be present, and everything will be okay.
When I'm in the here and now, I'm listening to my heart. I'm seeing where it wants me to focus my attention on. I just have to listen to it. If I'm playing with my kids, and suddenly it's lost the joy for me and it's becoming a chore. Stop, listen. Refocus. That could mean just refocusing on how joyful this moment is, or maybe it means that it's time to stop playing and refocus on something else. It could be the dirty dishes, or the laundry, or your self. Just do it without the guilt. Make love your focus in all things, and if you begin acting in a way that is led by something other than love: guilt, obligation, anger, unrealistic expectations, just stop. Your heart is telling you to change course for a bit. So listen. When you do this, your children will feel it. They know when their Mommy is really focusing on them, or if she's a million miles away in her thoughts. To be in the present moment will not only make you a happier person, but your kids will feel more loved and appreciated, even if, in reality, you are spending less time with them.
Love should always be the guiding force in everything you do. Just keep that in your head, listen to your heart, and the Mommy guilt will begin to disappear.
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